Stuations often present themselves and it is difficult to know what is the most appropriate course of action. This happens in all areas of our lives and for decisions both big and small. Examples could be as mundane as having a conversation about something that bothered you with a family member or loved one, to something as life changing as moving across the country or changing careers. The appropriate time to act (or not) in any given situation is going to depend on the situation itself.
Most people's default decision making process (mine included) generally involves considering what are the most urgent or obvious variables in any given situation. When you really start thinking about all of the impacts of making a large decision it is easy to get overwhelmed and put it out of your mind.
The intent with this post is to give a framework for intentional decision making. Use the following bullets as writing prompts so that you can put it away and come back to it in a few days.
Actions - Write out what each of the relevant decisions could look like.
Do nothing
Do something
Do something else
Do a little
Wait
Considerations - Write out answers to the following questions. Depending on the size of the decision some may or may not be relevant.
How easy is it to undo?
Is the decision going to interfere with something else? Is there any reason why you couldn't do it in parallel with what you are already doing? What opportunities are you missing out on by making or not making a decision? Can you try it out by taking a leave of absence at work or starting in your spare time?
What are your goals and ambitions? Does the decision take you closer or further away from where YOU would like to be?
Is the decision going to interfere with something else? Is there any reason why you couldn't do it in parallel with what you are already doing? What opportunities are you missing out on by making or not making a decision? Can you try it out by taking a leave of absence at work or starting in your spare time?
What are you sacrificing?
Are you sacrificing things by acting or by not acting? It is likely that you are sacrificing something by both acting and by not acting.
Others that are going to be affected? How so? Consider having a discussion with them to see if your concerns are true.
Is there anything that you aren’t considering by acting, not acting, or waiting? Are you still going to have the same opportunity
What is an ideal outcome from the situation? What are you hoping to gain?
Am I making a decision (or not) from a place of anger, resentment, insecurity, etc?
What are your tendencies?
Making decisions to fast or too slow, too conservative, or too extreme
Is it worth making a decision? Do the potential benefits outweigh the potential drawbacks? Is this the right time?
What lifestyle changes will the decision require?
Do you have more work to do before you are ready? What EXACTLY are you waiting for and how long do you think it would take if you got started now?
When All Else Fails - Hopefully the considerations above are enough to help you see the right path foward but if not here are some other things to think about.
Would you be happy looking back if you didn't act or would you regret not making the decision?
Are you letting yourself or others down in the long run by not taking action?
What is the worst that could happen if you act? Is the fallout manageable or is there irreversible consequences?
What about having a conversation with those involved to see how they feel about it.
By this point you have spent enough time thinking about it that it is clearly important to you, you should feel confident bringing it up. If not, maybe you should revisit your relationship with the person that is causing you such distress.
Sometimes fear is holding you back. It can be helpful to name exactly what you are concerned about and write out what could happen.
Its easy to fall into a vague sense of dread or overwhelm and put it out of your mind to avoid making a decision.
You likely know what needs to be done you are just avoiding it for one reason or another. Think about why.
Remember in 100 years nobody you know will be around anymore and the concerns you are having will likely seem irrelevant so be bold and follow your heart. Your happiness is something valuable and worth pursuing.